Gluttony at the New Yankee Stadium: An Inside Look at the Legends Suite

I had the opportunity to spend yesterday afternoon at Yankee Stadium.  Not just any seats either – but seats in the exclusive Legends Suite – which are the first 8 rows of the field level.

This ticket might as well say - Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket to an ALL-U-CAN-EAT feast at Yankee Stadium

Thanks to SALLY founding member – Steve “The Mad Dog”  scoring a quartet of tickets – myself, the Dog, “Trader” Le , and Steve’s better half in CHIBA – Dosh, set off to the Stadium to see the Rangers-Yankees afternoon tilt.

Now we had heard some rumors of the amenities in the Legends Suite tickets – something about grab and go snacks – waiter service – and plush oversized stadium sized seats.  But all of this was unconfirmed rumor – and we were eager to see the freebies.

I won’t waste time on first impressions of the stadium because – like novices – we actually ran a little late (Don’t you make the same mistake).  Thanks to a ridiculously long wait for the D train at 145th Street (which Steve and I both agreed would have been a fatal wait – back in the bad old days of the subway) – we gathered up our party at the Hard Rock Cafe attached to the monolithical grey concrete stadium – and walked in.

Here we split up for a sec – so while Steve and Le finished their beverages – “#1 Yankee Fan” Dosh introduced me to the interior of the Yankee’s new evil headquarters.

He started off with a crack about the “Christy Mathewson Rotunda” – a reference to Dosh’s opinion on the relevance and rights of the Mets organization to commemorate a player (Jackie Robinson) that never wore their uniform.

Gritting my teeth and vowing not to start my day off with an argument with a professional arguer (I would probably lose) – I followed him along the wide, open concourse littered with banners of Yankee greats from the modern to the old time.  I even recognized all of them except for a great brute of a catcher in black and white at the end of the hall.  When I questioned Dosh – he flippantly replied – “That’s Bill Dickey!” (implied: duh)

“Bill Dickey? ” I said – thinking – oh yeah they guy who has to share his retired number (8) with Yogi…  (In Met terms Bill Dickey=Choo Choo Coleman.  Maybe it makes sense that we don’t have as many banners in our concourse.  But eh – banners??  We don’t need no stinking banners…)

Dosh proceeded to lead me into a wild seat chase – perhaps still affected and dazed a little by the Yankee-opulence of the whole interior even though he’s a veteran of 15 some-odd games.

(ed note:  OK – I’ll admit I felt even more ashamed at the lack of history displayed at the New Shea.  No one has as much history as the Yankees but still couldn’t SOMETHING at New Shea be decorated or commemorated to the ’69 and ’86 players?  Shouldn’t Tom Seaver have something named after him at New Shea?  It’s a glaring ommission and one that needs to be addressed by Mets management for next season)

Finally – we found our way into the entrance for the exclusive Legends Suite.  We got in line for our wristbands (for what we had no idea) and then were ushered into a plush dining area stocked with flat screen TV’s and linen tablecloths – with a huge full service buffet in the middle of it all.

Jackpot!  Dosh and I shared our first moment of agreeance (sic) for the day as we high fived and thought the same thing – FREE FOOD!!! – YES!

While Dosh frantically texted the rest of our party to GET HERE – AND COME EAT!  I grabbed a plate and started pushing my way to the front of the various unorganized buffet stations.

(heads up for blurry Iphone pics – but better than nothing…)

Everyone loves Prawns right? Shrimp's bigger tastier cousin. As Yao sez - Eat the Head!

Wild Bison Rib Eye steak,  Petite Lamb Chops smothered in butter, giant size prawns fried (head-on) in cajun spices, seafood ravioli, suckling pig with crackling skin (that looked back at you before they cut it up), shredded spicy petite chicken sandwiches, slow cooked pork ribs conveniently cut into bite size riblets, a desert bar with made to order S’mores – and a bread area where the lady behind the counter may not be able to tell you what kind of bread they have – but is eager to butter it for you…

Does it get any better than a plate full of meats and gravies?

And it was all F-R-E-E.

Once the initial looking around and waiting for someone to come and make me pay for my plate feeling subsided – I got down to the business of wolfing down my first plate, Steve and Le finally arrived with that same crazed look in their eyes as they surveyed the scene that could only mean “HOLY SHIT!” (but in the good way).

The only disappointment was that the alcoholic accompaniment to this feast was sadly with charge (and a $9 charge at that).  I steadfastly refused to donate $9 to the Yankee cause – remaining with the bottled and sparkling water as my beverages – and vowed silently to make up for this by eating MOAR foodz.

Four or five plates later apiece (we had narrowed down the finalists for top buffet items to the lamb chops, prawns, and suckling pig) – it was already the third inning – and we hadn’t even noticed the game…

So off we went in search of our seats – descending down a plush stairway to a lower room where lo and behold – ANOTHER F-ing buffet!  This one had a kosher section along with a number of ballpark foods (Carl’s Philly cheesesteaks, hot dogs, ice cream, sushi (ha!) etc..) and as another attendant (there are literally hundreds of Yankee attendants everywhere) escorted us to our seats – we were presented with a table full of popcorn, Twizzlers, peanuts, crackerjack, bottled water and other assorted goodies laid out just before the entrance to the seating area.

And of course – we filled our pockets like Dan Akroyd in the Santa suit in Trading Places – stuffing Twizzlers, bags of cracker jacks and bottles of water down our pants while the attendant looked on in amusement.

One of us later remarked the whole experience was like the Eddie Murphy SNL skit “White Like Me” where he is made up to be white and everywhere he goes from the bank for a loan, to a newstand – he is greeted by the insider phrase: “Just take it”.  And it WAS surreal – it felt like stealing…

Free food at Yankee Stadium is awesome! Oh - and the seats are ok too...

When we got to our seats – which were plush and huge – we were presented with an amazing view of third base and the much bigger in person A-Rod manning the position mere spitting (almost) distance away.  Another attendant came around to take orders – and there was an in-seat menu of – also FREE (exc. for alcohol) food and drink!

Someone ordered me a round – while I mumbled lamely about not spending money – and we settled in to watch the game from this amazing view.

Chien Ming Wang was getting roughed up – and the Yankee fans were merciless in their jeers or just plain indifference to him as he sadly walked off the field having given up 5 runs and a CF BOMB to Nelson Cruz.

Unfortunately – Ranger’s pitcher Brandon McCarthy would give it back by giving up 2 cheap hits to Yankee catcher (insert misc name) and Yankee backup SS (insert misc name #2).  Then the umped jobbed him on the calls to walk Johnny Damon – another outrageous balls and strikes call to walk Yankee mascot Nick “the Joker” Swisher, and finally a weakly hit ground ball over the third base bag (by Texeira), that converted SS Michael Young should have gloved, to clear the bases…

But enough about the game.  It was really a sideshow for us all – at least – it was a sideshow for ME.

The Yankee fans in the Legends Suite seats were expectedly reserved – after all – it’s hard to get excited when you’re weighed down by that pre-game buffet – and then occupied with treats the entire time in your seats.  (unless your name is “#1 Yankee Fan” Dosh – then you stand up and start chanting for the new mercenary baseball players on your team -  while you argue on the side what a superior player Robinson Cano is to MVP Dustin Pedroia.)

The Dog even tried his – “hey I’m a die-hard Ranger fan here – and I’m pulling for my boy Donny Murphy even though I just learned his name from the scoreboard as second ago and whatcha gon’ do about it” Act.  But no response other than a quick glance around from a few spectators and a disinterested look of disapproval.

By the 7th inning – I felt an urgent need to retreat somewhere lest I find myself treated like Mahmoud Abdul Rauf or Carlos Delgado for being unpatriotic and not standing for the fascist Yankees obligatory God Bless America tradition.  A tradition that ranks second only to the “U-S-A!” chant (unless done sarcastically) in my book of mindless displays of patriotism at sporting events.

Off to the Dugout Club – a little sanctuary under the stands in LF – restricted of course only to Legends seatholders.  I should mention that the facilities were spotless and staffed by a bathroom attendant – one of our group thought it was like “a strip club bathroom” sans the toiletries and the tip jar.

There are attendants everywhere to 'service' your every need. Ahem...

The Dugout Club was a long full service bar – along with another station full of grab and go items such as:  Lobster Rolls (which Le gives a thumbs up to), more sushi (yankee sushi – yeck), ice cream sandwiches, ice cream cones, and even WHOLE pints of Ben and Jerry’s!

I mean – you can sit there and eat all the ice cream you want?  Is that a kid’s dream come true or what?  (of course I gorged myself on ice cream while Le rummaged around for the lobster roll and Steve fretted about how he was going to be able to fit another beer)

Returning back to the seats for the end of the game – the plushness of the seats started to make sense – as no activity in the Legends Suite area seemed to go without adding on additional calories.  But hey – that’s what extra wide seating is designed for!

The rest is kind of hazy as all the blood started to settle into my stomach – leaving my brain nice and mushy (a la Hulu).  I seem to recall a soda that never arrived, finding myself scarfing popcorn though dying of thirst, and then the song Enter Sandman as Mariano Rivera emerged in the 9th to close the game.

We got a somewhat tense finish thanks to Mariano, in his advanced age and no longer dominant (granted still effective) form, letting the tying run on before inducing a weak pop up for the third out to seal the game and the Yankee victory.

The moral of the story?  Well – there really isn’t one – except that if you get the chance – absolutely jump at any offer to sit in the Legends Suite at new Yankee Stadium.

And here’s a quick set of rules to follow to maximize your experience:

The first rule would be not to eat for at least 12 hours before your arrival.

Then make sure you come early to enjoy a leisurely buffet.

Wear baggy clothes with lots of pockets to take home some easy to fit items like Twizzlers, crackerjack, a few bottles of water, and maybe a lobster roll or two.

Allow a few hours afterwards when you get home to just lie around and digest the whole experience (eating experience that is) – definitely do NOT make dinner plans.  Or breakfast plans the following day – or lunch…

And finally – do sneak a water bottle full of vodka into the stadium if you plan on getting loaded (make it Poland Spring for camoflauge reasons).

Follow these steps and you just might get your money’s worth out of a trip to the Legends Suite at the new Yankee Stadium.